2009 JOURNAL of julie christine yangchen lhamo

2010-01-14T22:41:00.000-08:00

"during our Medicine Buddha prayers today I visualized Greg Clowminzer sitting in the sky in the space in front of me glowing of Lapis Lazuli"

Catalyzing Global Disarmament from America - True Freedom

2009-12-15T20:56:00.000-08:00

Here in America we have ALL religions, Countries, Cultures, and diversified

backgrounds from the World's people. We are a mirror of the world -

and I believe those who are here in this time and place are here for

a very specific purpose in History.

I believe there is a reason and those from ALL LANDS who are citizens

of America have an evolutionary responsibility to our human race

and our Homelands. I beleive We are here to prevent World War 3

and catalyze World Peace. We can demonstrate to the world what

Unity in the world Religions looks like. If we unite around ONE

basic value - NO KILLING - in the here and now we can change History.

We can take our unity around this human value to the streets -

we can hold flags from homelands

I believe we each have a right to live without another human

taking your life. This is a core, fundamental cornerstone value

of Human Rights.

Dream life Journal 9.2.09

2009-09-03T01:33:00.000-07:00

Greetings. This is julie christine otherwise known to cyberworld as LibertyUSA. I say the USA stands for United States of Awareness. Or United States of Angel Networkers. The idea is UNITED and Peace. the Liberty means the Light we all share. The torch for Life to unite us as human beings (as opposed to firearms separating us) Anyway, I've decided to get back to keeping a daily blog/journal like i used to. I usually started with my dreams the night before and then the day. so i will follow that same format with this blog. so....my dream last night......Last night I had a dream i was learning a dance. I was not very good but i told my instructor i would practice and i was a fast learner. I was then in front of a man in an office and he was very repelled by me. I wouldn't talk to me and told me to leave - i was sort of used to it and thought i had said something to make him angry (in my awake life i am speaking about Peace and ending war and often offend people by not supporting the Presidents) as it turns out when i left his office i passed a mirror and saw myself. there was pressure behind my eyes and they were all bugged out and instead of pupils they had the image of a butterfly in each eye surrounded by large white area. i myself was a little freaked out - i thought - no wonder he was uncomfortable i looked a bit scary.

today was spent cleaning at Oli Oli Kai a beautiful rental property in Maui. I worked with 2 other girls and i sang along to music on the radio and had as good a time as i could given that i was cleaning mini blinds one by one and it is not my favorite thing to do because they are so delicate and i am not so graceful but i use the time to practice patience and grace. It was very enjoyable at the end of the day when all of us girls were cleaning in the same area. Angel and Nielsa. after work Angel and I headed to the Dharma Center. I work in the gift shop a couple days a week and very much enjoy it! Below are some pictures of the outside and inside of the Maui Dharma Center Gift shop.

The Desk where I sit : )

Today we are preparing for a very special visitor tomorrow. The Medium of the State Oracle of Tibet is coming to the Maui Dharma Center to give special teachings and give the sacred blessings of the Yidam Diety Vajrakilaya. I took random photos of the day as i will do tomorrow and Friday. Here are Karen and Peter painting tsa tsa's for the entry way of the Great Lha Bab World Peace Stupa. I also found the Venerable Lama Gyaltsen la up on the Stupa with a water hose cleaning the top! As i did my prostrations in front of the Stupa the wind blew the water from the hose on me and it was a GREAT BLESSING! i laughed with delight : ) Later on we all watched as Lama la and Po put the tsa tsa's in the special glass shelves on the entry way into the stupa.

I had the special honor of cleaning the glass that the tsa tsa's would sit on. Lama held the fragile glass and I used the windex and a cloth to wipe off dust and fingerprints. I took pictures of Lama la turning the prayer wheel and blowing bubbles!!!! he made us all giggle and we were spreading blessings around the world and it felt sooooooo good. here is Lama la turning the Om Mani Padme Hung prayer wheel. His Holiness the Dalai Lama visited this exact spot in April of 2007! After Lama blew bubbles a Rainbow appeared! here is a picture of Angel and Peter under the Rainbow

Bubbles were flying around and i was giggling because bubbles always remind me of being a little girl. The bubbles are like spheres of love and intelligence flying through the air and i will never forget the feelings i had in the moment. Dewachen or Heaven is what it felt like and what it was. Here is a picture of Lama blowing bubbles standing over the tsa tsa's. Tomorrow we all go early to set up

for the arrival of the Thupten Ngodup, The 14th Medium of the Chief State Oracle of Tibet Nechung Kuten so for now I shall say goodnight. I am looking forward to our 10 o clock prayer service for the Medicine Buddha and Tara Prayers which will have special seating for our special guests! I feel immensely grateful to have found my way here to the Maui Dharma Center on my tantric path i began 8 years ago in California with Greg Clowminzer, Zencoach, and now to be in the presence of these powerful, divine, wise, and oh so magnetic Lama's. The Path of Enlightenment is filled with light. May all beings awaken into their divine goodness and may we heal each other with our love in our own unique offerings to our fellow human race, the Earth and all Sentient Beings. May I continue to learn, grow and strengthen in my light and wisdom and follow in the footsteps of the Heroic Manjushri. To my Beloved Jesus - I carry you with me with every footstep i take...or is it you taking the footsteps and I'm along for the ride? : ) over and out - until tomorrow's update....goodnight and sweet dreams. julie christine

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

July 2, 2009 Journal Entry

Dear Diary,

Today is July 2, 2009. It is a sunny, clear day here in Maui. I am sitting in the gift shop at the Maui Dharma Center. At 5:00pm there will be prayers and then a teaching. I'm nibbling on Spicy Thai Potato chips and drinking a very refreshing lemonade. I'm very grateful...and tired. I don't know what's wrong with me. I get good sleep but I feel down, tired, a burning/stinging in my eyes and a bit of failure...sometimes a bit dizzy. I'm not in balance and need to get in balance - obviously. This writing will help get it out.

July 4th and His Holiness the Dalai Lama's Birthday approach. Thoughts which get me down...Sometimes I feel on this mission of Peace that I am not enough....or TOO much of the wrong thing. I don't know how to effectively help the Cause of Tibet and World Peace. I try all sorts of ways of communicating ideas and messages to inspire change (while on a serious budget) but nothing seems to work so far - and if anything, it seems the more my heart opened and i felt the inner responsibility to bring change, the more I became misunderstood, resisted, and even judged. Man I'm so sleepy right now!

i have long mind attention to the teachings ahead of me. Looking at reality i see that I have spent the last 7 years reaching politically/spiritually towards Oprah Winfrey only for her to reach towards Obama.

My heart has turned inside out. My life has meaning only if I can be of help to others. I know part of what is trying to get me down is this....I felt i could help in a huge way if i could somehow get to Washington with Impeaching Bush but i failed. War continues and China terror and world violence is everywhere it seems - the feeling of victory is far away. I literally feel responsible for the deaths from war. I had all the tools and blessings with my birth and education and living in America with free speech to somehow affect consciousness but i just couldn't do it - britney spears, miley cyrus, and other entertainers can gather mass numbers of beings but i don't have that kind of talent - all i have are my words and prayers and art which i give for free - but it just ain't workin out. Sometimes i feel like HIs Holiness the Dalai Lama thinks me lazy - but truly if i knew what specifically I need to do - i would do it. Of course i will continue learning the Dharma and prayers, but my unique offerings - i'm just not sure what to offer that will help - or how to best deliver my offerings? Writing helps but it seems to only help me - at least that is how it feels.

This is not a pity party, it's just reality of the now. On the personal path i have made monumental shifts nd changes but now that I've discovered the Buddha Path and those great Bodhisattvas and Buddha's of past I see such enormous mountains of virtues and perfections to climb and it feels like i have very little time to get far enough on the path to make a difference ( I feel WW3 looming and N.Korean Missil pointed at us and a host of other calamities befalling the human race if we don't quickly awaken and shift out of these destructive death patterns of war, denial, and deception)

I do the blog, and this 21st century Facebook and Twitter and i market ideas and prayers and now i can't help but wonder - maybe i should have kept silent with the Liberty consiousness and used the new creative energy i was tapping into differently. Maybe i should have focused more on meditation rather than media. Maybe i should have focused more on book learning the dharma rather than spontaneously tuning into the teachings of virtues by following my hearts instincts in the unknown? Whatever strategy i did on each day over the last 7 years it seems it was ineffective - nevertheless, I carry on because that is who I am. But now on the Buddha path i learn that there is no 'I am'? or me or this being inside with this mission - there is only Emptiness. ??? I wonder if i will every understand enough to be helpful. It seems what people need is money and that is what i don't have a lot of. this makes me feel bad. I didn't want to raise money - i wanted to help raise consciousness - I wanted to help starving children with Oprah from the White house for example - instead i have to feel their pain but also my pain that i'm not helping them. I didn't even attempt to make t-shirts or bumper stickers or things to sell from my prayer art b/c my job - i felt - was to get it out there and if someone could use something i offered to make revenue to help others they would.

This is good to get all these 'failures' out of me - b/c this pain is what has a direct affect on my energy ( it try to hide it from others ) Oh i remember my one miracle Alladin Wish i offered to the karmic board with Chris Reeve and I remember my empathy prayer with Michael Jackson for the World to treat him differently - I saw a World event - a miracle with Chris and Michael and i felt with this event that Good Feelings would literally spread through the World to all lands - but now reality tells me Both men are dead. - no such event will ever happen in Reality. Ohhhhh. I saw Bush removed from Power and His Holiness the Dalai Lama, Oprah, Zencoach Greg, and a host of Spiritual World Leaders transforming the White House and American 'Power' in the name of 'We the People' but none of it has happened. Only China government merging with American Government with the Obama pawn and Bush and the elite terrorists living free. NO CHANGE. right at this moment the 2009 Golden Age looks dim. but with this release of painful thoughts and failings - I shall grow stronger and more commited. Peace Shall Prevail. this helped. it always does.

over and out...jc

Prayer for Spiritual Enlightenment for Presidents and Congress with ZenCoach

2009-05-08T13:48:00.000-07:00

Dear My fellow Americans, Liberty in Me is encouraging all of 'WE the People' to contact Zencoach.com or Oprah.com if you would like Greg Clowminzer to Host his Enlightenment Intensive with our Leaders. with hope for Truth, Peace, and the Power of Wisdom and LOVE over Weapons....to the AWAKENING of Humanity into their Light and Truth. One World Network and Golden Age of Human business serving Love, Life, and Care for all Beings. If not Now, when? the Earth can't take much more of our heat and firearms and poisons - She needs Us. We need ourselves. Greg Clowminzer can help with the Awakening. If we Ask the Teacher ..... He will come. I KNOW he is an American Leader of Wisdom and Love and I pray Obama also seeks Wisdom and Enlightenment as a leader of peoples

May 7th Notes on Motherly Dreams of World Organized healing

2009-05-08T13:23:00.000-07:00

topics:
Values of Mother - resource, care, support and serve LIFE
Freedom to Share our Prayers for our Children
Action Prayer on Mothers Day for Mother Earth

Symbolic FREEDOM to WALK my World Peace Prayer
as One girl exercising her American Freedom to Share her Prayers

Baldwin Beach 8:00am Mothers Day
to Maui Dharma Center World Peace Stupa

for Mother Land of Tibet and Freedom
Mother of America Oprah
and Universal Mother Amma meet
Maui and Mother in all
Kuan Yin rules in Motherland of China not army Mao rules (which value set is making and 'enforcing the law governing people)
Universal Mother and Freedom to Love
Kingdom of Tibet free
Kingdom of Hawaii free
Kingdom of Heaven on Earth
is freedom of human race to unite
Unity in the concept of Peace from all Nations
understand this comes with radical change and freewill and
no WEAPONS. cleanse planet of weapons
keep humans
heal humans
sickness is to kill, war, lie, deceive, and destroy a planet
cure is to unite and fix our human mistakes with Free Will
changing minds is fast and free
world peace could come tomorrow if
all humans would agree
one human race
6billion brain cells
it don't take long for change
the irony is
we all must do the same thing to be the change
we all must agree
mothers want no fighting
and children to live in peace and happy long lives
animals and all of nature too
Mother of Human has capacity to be divine human
or deceptive deadly human
freewill in middle
now we should agree on basic human behavior Earth rules to abide by
Mother of humans agrees with God's and believes thou shalt not kill
all nations unite with disarmament and all men unite with lay down weapon
donate gun to Mothers cause of Peace
every city has a Mother Tent
light it up
Mother network of global business
offer your gun and anything else you want to offer at the door
then come inside apply for job
scouts and magnets will then zero in on the city and find all the weapons and 'thug's who don't want to freewillingly disarm. they will be captured - the gun taken away - and then they will be relocated to the nearest hotel where they will be spending the next few weeks in gun detox and anger management and how to behave like a human being class....LOVE in Action. Not reinforcing death patterns and patriotism and propaganda of false freedom

We need to Humanly REDefine SUCCESS and Growth
Human Paradox -

We grow in numbers faster than in wisdom
we think survival comes from reproduction rather than reeducation
we grow out rather than in (bigger bigger more more rather than transforming what is already here)
example - cities stay within parameters and renovate rather than expand outwardly consuming the land, forests, and polluting as it moves
Education rather than extinction - Wildlife has a place - human civilization has a place - intelligent boundaries and food for everyone and everything
Weapons are not required to keep humans safe from animals and they must be destroyed to keep animals safe from humans and humans safe from humans!
what we call 'economic success' (like in China) is actually failure - human civilizations that can't learn to live content in the same space but instead have to keep growing, consuming and taking the land away from animals is not success

May 6th, 2009 Relieving Mothers day pressure

2009-05-08T13:17:00.000-07:00

mothers day is coming i 'm constantly feel pressure to write or do something which causes unity or understanding yet i constantly feel failure. often my spontaneous spoken words are far more eloquent that this typing
ideas bounce around
like maybe rearranging words of pledge of allegience to teach oneness and the true dream
free the kingdom of Tibet. free the kingdom of Hawaii walk the freedom prayer of heaven on earth. brotherly love and laying down of weapons. lama's are divine motherly wisdom - take our prayers to the world peace stupa.
i feel need to do outward demonstration of love to Tibet - mother land
i feel need to do outward demonstration of love to Mother Earth
to Mother Maui.
as a girl who is symbolic i stand walk on mothersday a freedom walk
freedom to walk my prayer
freedom to share my prayer
i feel i'm letting so many down
i pray in this moment for strength b/c outward seems like i want attention but is just the opposite - make it about me - but it's about symbolic mothers on mother day sharing love but all i feel is detached and completely inepept at networking and catalyzing movement or adequately expressing the Liberty symbolism. gone are the days from years ago when the idea was to just enjoy the moment and go out and date and meet people and enjoy life - now my life is consumed with responisbility - not only work, community service, life survival, but these unending pressure to help affect the big picture seems beyond daunting especially without O ever responding and Greg immersed in husbandhood and fatherhood and no speaking to juliehood for years. he has water business i could do here but i don't want to call for a zillion reasons yet the more money i can make the more i can give to others so that they can get resources. right now - i can barely afford myself with little extra. selling water would be easy for me - but doing business with someone who seemingly will do business with anyone in the world except me doesn't sound promising. his videos say - call. they should have a disclaimer and say - unless you';re julie christine - then don't call.

i gave myself a bit of a black eye today at Naish;s house on accident. i was going to go to coffee house but then felt completely like i don't want to spend gas, would feel pressure to post something but didnt know what, and didn't want to spend money and turned around. i am never not thinking about big picture and feeling responisbility and failure constantly. gone are the days of just enjoying an evening - i'm always thinking about my job yet very aware that technically there is no Liberty or Higher Intelligence Agency of which i work. just me in my wide awake heart with a feeling of failure but perseverence pressure always. i'm not a normal single girl. i'm totally different than i used to be in charlottesville. then it was social and spiritual life importance. now i know myself spiritually and only feel pressure for political world shifting rather than having anysort of social life. there is no social me - just a very inept girl who talks too much when around others - or not enough and only feels totally comfortable when alone. i'm wasting time - just trying to movewords so that something will flow better later. i gotta get myself out of the way with all this pressure and simultaneous rejection feeling. watching greg talk on his videos brought it all back. empty desire and death of that desire. he wanted to kill it (marry another and make baby) now it is dead. truly. he is beyond perfect as usual but i feel cold and hurt and rejected and aware and understanding and a billion other things that equal the closest thing i've ever felt to life after death but detached from the life but not really dead feeling i've ever known. the universal responsibility grows the more the personal dream of love evaporates

LibertyUSA's Journal 2009

2009-04-15T17:22:00.000-07:00

2009 Journal

1.19.09
Dear Diary,
I sit outside the Queen Kaahumanu Mall after witnessing the Tibetan Lama's Sand Mandala and prayers for Medicine Buddha and World Peace. i got to hang out with my sweet 3 yr. old Pema Friend after the ceremony. We walked around the mall together and had so much fun. I bought her a Tinkerbell stationary set so she can send love letters with Tinkerbell stickers on them. There were so many lovely and familiar faces i saw at the Medicine Buddha sand Mandala ceremony....Alada, Alan, Lama Dhondup La, Tenzin, Dowa, Dorjee, Dolma, Mina, Anam, etc....

I got a ride into town with my neighbors Iriana and baby Sochia. It was so special to get to hold the baby while the Tibetan prayers were being sung. Mom and baby had to leave - they are coming back at 7pm to pick me up and we will all return home. I'm now having a mocha latte outside the mall at a table in front of Starbucks. I am watching people and soaking up the Maui view. I'm reminscing other times and places i've been in my life doing the same thing - like in Seattle on adventure writing in my journal and having a latte. I did the same thing in Charlottesville too. Some things about me haven't changed. sweet! Julie's serenity can be found with pen, paper and the moment.

I m more and more in love with Love everyday. Alone, but in a Sangha. On purpose yet nothing has changed really in 6 years. I have changed. more me, but i have so much to learn.
I'm so thankful for the courage to Pilgramage out on my own without concerning myself with parental - world approval/disapproval.
well, Bush is out of office. The country ignored 'Liberty' and didn't impeach Bush and now some body named Obama came in with some slick speeches and is the 'Hope' for America. to me it feels like We are quickly sinking in our ethics and values with Obama. unless there is a backup plan behind Obama that i don't know about. All i see is Big Bad China Business of more guns and control with no civil rights is moments away from taking over and having some one world order domination of global fighting/money on one hand so that bad buusiness can stay in power on the other hand. Both are being fueled by 'we the people' of the nations yet we haven't learned and stopped the madness. Obama keeps the troops fighting in Iraq and moving MORE to Afghanistan just like Bush - he's no different - no change' - he's going around to the troops shaking their hands and 'thanking them for their service.' Keeping humans fighting and killing is not serving their greater good - but it is thanking them for perpetuating vthe tradition of violence for money.

Medicine Buddha and Zencoach Greg are my hope and refuge for America yet i have NO IDEA what in the world Greg is doing? I hope he is acheiving and attaining Medicine Buddhahood! I can only hope and pray.
I went shopping with Iraina and Sochia before coming to the mall. I bought Sochia a couple of outfits. It was fun. I visit other peoples lives and love them while I'm there. it is all i can do. it doesn't seem enough as my life purpose. I feel crisis. I have been feeling 'crisis' for years. Nothing has changed since i posted my 2003 LIberty experiment and $1. It's as if i don't exist...except to make things worse (relations with birth family)
I notice people walking in pairs. Not me. I seem to always walk alone. 20 years of learning to walk alone - happily. In 2000 I went to therapy to 'find peace' and Dan said make peace with never being in love with another and marrying. I did. i made peace and let that life go.

Life is going to be long now because there is no challenge for me anymore to find peace. I found it. now the challenge is to bring Peace. Would i be stronger with a partner? yes, if it were Oprah or Greg but they don't come to stand up for me or with me. Alone I seem to have no benefit to others or power to bring change. I try but after all these years all i feel is failure. LIberty has no reality in this 'real' world. sort of like the easter bunny, santa clause, and the toothfairy.

I gaze at Iao Mountain right now. the sun is setting. Boy/girl ideals of romance are destroyed in my mind and heart. I am a lone soul with a heart filled with dreams and love for Earth/humanity yet i didn't share outwardly enough or properly to affect a change. I didn't do an open mic or a strong enough youtube speech. i tried but with no team or backup or coaching - i faltered. As i awoke i also felt intense desire to pull within. i resisted it and tried to push myself outwardly to the world to share me with outer world but it led to deeper and more intense spearation. I'm at a loss as to waht to do next. Obama gets inaugurated in 2 days. This feels like a terrible farce and bad dream.

I'm so tired of witnessing (now it feels like for lifetimes) flocks following the wrong leader down the path of deception. Truth is absent. OPrah is crying because she thinks the man obama is a man of honor. he is not. time will prove me right yet who cares. I was right about Bush and it got me no where politically with people. What would life have been like if someone of wisdom and power had stood with me as Liberty on a ticket? Idon't know b/c that reality didn't happen. i will never know. i'll have to witness obama and the poeple going with his no where flow.

Life without a man or woman to stand in partnership with me did not kill me but it does make me wonder, 'why am i here?' to fail? to look a fool no matter what i do? no problem - i'm used to it. I fust feel utter dismay when i feel the weight of the responsibility i know my soul took on - so i feel the gravity of failure - to Jesus - to Tibet - to the Children - to the Dream. I had at my access throughout my life all the raw materials and good fortune and i had all access and freedom to use media - computer -blog - youtube - the point is i just didn't make the daily decisions and activities strong enough to manifest results politically/spiritually and instead another 'leader' moved in with my word! change! oh obama. the deceiver is what i see. i can't believe he snowed everyone. not me. never me. I voted for wisdom and Love - not politicians with slick strategy and speeches. I've been around the block too many times to ever have wool pulled over my eyes. He (obama) is NOT my hero and it makes my a little nauseas in my stomach sometimes (hangover feeling) to see his face plastered all around like he is some sort of history maker and peace bringer. Give me a break.

I wanted to see Buddha man shining face as leader and His Story - Her Story, maker. not another war president who has a split tongue. I sure don't get what i want on the political scene. Just more of a bad dream.

Now it is dusk in Maui at the mall as i sit outside at a table in front of starbucks. romantic. i"m cold when it comes to romance - not interested. too many other things to do as a human on earth in this critical time of world need and change.

after the Sand Mandala was shared with the people i walkd around the mall and shared the fruit and cookies that were blessed during the prayers. When i got to my starbucks table a woman asked me if the Sand Mandala was nearby. I told her it was over. She said she rode her bike all the way down to see it and was sad she missed it. I asked her if she wanted to sand from the ceremony? 'OH Yes!' she said.
I had purchased 3 little jeweled boxes that me and Pema played with at the Tibetan cultural fair. I poured some sand in the little box and gave it to her. her name is Lynn. She was happy. me too.

I gave a cookie to a lady in the bathroom and she gave me a big hug. I shared cookies with Sears employees too. I gave oranges/apples to two ladies who worked in one of the mall shops. they were happy too. one of them was wearing a sparkle tshirt that said 'princess.' I was glad they accepted the blessed offerings b/c some people didn't want them at all. I was wearing my i Heart Tibet pin and prayer beads. I got one extreme or the other - either really happy and thankful or cold shoulder.

I love Tibet and the holy Lama's and Nuns. I can't imagine how they have endured so much pain and rejection for being Pure Love. It is so sad how the human race treats the Love of Tibet. I pray with all my heart the Death force is ended and Love is poured on Tibet from the World.

3.9.09
Here in America we have ALL religions, Countries, Cultures, and diversified
backgrounds from the World's people. We are a mirror of the world -
and I believe those who are here in this time and place are here for
a very specific purpose in History.

I believe there is a reason and those from ALL LANDS who are citizens
of America have an evolutionary responsibility to our human race
and our Homelands. I beleive We are here to prevent World War 3
and catalyze World Peace. We can demonstrate to the world what
Unity in the world Religions looks like. If we unite around ONE
basic value - NO KILLING - in the here and now we can change History.
We can take our unity around this human value to the streets -
we can hold flags from homelands

I believe we each have a right to live without another human
taking your life. This is a core, fundamental cornerstone value
of Human Rights.

3.14.09
this saturday i am totally free
of responsibility
i'm doing laundry
hangin in colleens
doing massive peace prayers
in public
looking odd maybe but i don't care
maybe i blend in
even though i'm saying prayers
under my breath
and speaking to the
spirits of past, present and future
in the Now moments
with others while in public
i love being alone
i can think about whatever i want
like david blaine
i can think about david blaine right this instant
and immediately i'm sorta glad he's not here
b/c my stomach hurts suddenly these last couple of minutes
and i dont want to have an upset stomach while
sitting with another
especially david blaine
on a saturday
he would sit next to and let me
type and never even speak to him
and would always be feeling my
inside speaking
he wouldn't need conversation
and would be an easy
accompanyment to my sitting alone
i used to want to sit in coffee houses with other
now i love the alone
very few would blend into my way of life
now
sitting but not speaking
david could do it easy
he'd be fun to hang with.
i can feel that.
and i don't need him to entertain me
either
but if he wanted to pull out a trick or two
i'm sure typing and writing and thinking and praying me
would gladly take a break and play with david
if he was in the mood
my brother tom used to do table magic
where he would simply walk up to a table an
and ask them if they wanted to see a trick
what if db came to my table now and asked if he could take a seat and show me a trick?
how would that feel?
um?
it feels good and happy like if my brother tom was to do the same thing except tom isn't friendly to me
so thinking of him sitting here doesn't feel good - so loving tom through thinking about david sitting here
does feel good.
david is my go to brother.
if i needed to sit with brother
i pick david to sit with.
in this moment of fantasy
in reality.

3.14.09
sitting colleen's
heaven i feel
heaven i see
here at colleen's
memory lane awake in me
eternal mirrors on walls
reflecting the highways of thought calls
and me with golden balls
i.e. golden wheels in motion
in my brain
my inner man alive again
in woman
don't mess with me
obama cuz
i just called you a 'wussie' in public
i don't think you are showing courage or wisdom
i could serve public better than he
and the consciousness we all share
a vibration of unity
if you will let it be
just sit and feel
what it would be
to feel WORLD PEACE.
to see World Peace
To participate in World peace.

how would it feel
to know anywhere you go
in any restaurant you sit
it would be peace - NOT killing
to come visit
and share in the human flow
no suicide bomber
or military man
just we the people
living our diivine plan
of all races
and nations
gathered here in a state of creation
the power of evolution
taught in logic and the ways of Life
of feeling heaven and kind thought in all lands
inside our State of Mind
it is up to us
we do now know
so i have one question
as a voice for the liberty in
who wants to talk to george bush on an Oprah show
about jesus and also about Christian leaders who make war
as servant to the people i'd like to free speak
the people might think that is ok to make war
but i don't
human war tradition sucks
love was here first and every soul
now returns
beginning with george
where the truth will burn way the pain.
light the fire in the white house
a dinner for 4 Winfrey + Obama + Justice+ George+ cozy fireplace in white house = TANTRA and we can celebrate a mother figure of America, Angel networker and woman i'd like to see as our Spiritual 1st Lady of America - but she's got to awaken more her power. She is following Obama down same war path as the 'change' rather than leading Obama into peace as one of the most powerful women in the world.

me and beshada from Haiku
are the two who sit alone
here in the coffee house of ONE

all humans having experiences
of togetherness
either with others
or their inner loved ones
of self, deities, and memories
i am always alone
but never lonely
and i like writing and thinking
about world love
in public.

in maui feeling this way
and looking around me
it is easy to believe in World Peace
as a reality
people from everywhere on earth
pass through here
b/c maui is a travel destination
in the 'land of the free'
it is the template for my heaven plan
if ever i could get in charge of the land
me and winfrey could do so many good things for the people
if only the people would let us lead'
woman in charge with people on themind
not profit and wars
like we have now for so long
knock knock on the door of the white house
is a woman and a field mouse
which is code for Lama
dvine motherly wisdom love in man.
united states of lama land is
freedom to be ruled by love
and all benefit.
freewill must ask
and then obama must open the door
and let me in.
if the people request
he must serve the people
and i ask the people
to serve Bush to me
I am Justice and he is called up
in MY COURT.
i stood in maui district court
and received my penance for not having money
for insurance and getting a ticket for no insurance
so no George Bush must get his penance
for casting a war as servant to the people
he difiled life and human rights
and is living a free man with no community service
i got 150 hours for my crime
justice says bush should receive
community service too.
8 years
free will will save us
freewill will destroy us
who is the master of your will
the beast or buddha
the creature or christ
the alien or angel?
do you carry gun or god?
every brain must free itself
and claim its master
the join the league
of love

3.15.09
well, i've moved into an island retreat paradise for a writer. an isolated cabin with a view of Iao and ocean with loving beings living all around and access to pool and hottub. i sit now on my front porch with candle, kuan yin, authentic tibetan flag and prayer flags all around. i see dusk sky colors and bird flying above. i see one bright light in the sky to my left. i see still clouds and clear sky of shades of blue with some yellow and a bit of dark pink. i hear crickets and a far off car driving. my mind is filled with peace and hope for all mankind to experience this same exact state. i have no fear of outer human coming to hurt me in this realm of paradise and heaven here in maui. this i want to be everywhere - where all humans are living in peace where they are not afraid of another human coming to harm them. this means militaries of all nations must all stop the fight and tell each other they are going to stop harming each other. this is human rights 101. we each have the right to live and not be harmed by our own species. that is the disease and now we freewillingly enter the age of the cure - where we rethink and rework our traditions to suit everyone. everyone deep down wants to rest in peace. many who are armed and invading feel a false sense of peace b/c they are under the power of feeling safe b/c you are the aggressor or the one hunting the hunted but this really isn't peace b/c at night they are still afraid of being hunted and don't get to rest in peace.

if everyone went to sleep one night truly belieiving they could rest in protected peace and no one would attack or harm - we - they - would vibrate entirely different and so many would feel what it truly means to rest in peace, awaken in love, serve your world, then go to bed and rest in peace, awaken in love, and serve your world, then go to bed again and over and over it goes and never gets old. one who knows the peace of resting in peace wants all to have it. no one would ever in their right and sane human mind want to have their peace invaded. this is inherent to all humans - deep down when one is happy and peaceful - noone wants violence to step in in order for life to be 'interesting.' for those who think a world without violence or guns or video games glorifying violence and guns would be boring i say they have never truly tasted the excitement and bliss of peace and love play as a way of life. i guarantee in this moment i would night find an intrusion of violence either exciting or necessary~

i'm just writing what ever comes up - i have no internet or phone right now. i'm going to write my parents and tom a letter by hand and mail to them. just in case death comes to one of us before change and shifting.
i also will get cell phone service b/c sweet Mouna gave me her old verizon cell phone so i'm going to see if i can add minutes to it and not have to get some long contract.

hopefully i'll get internet when Dan gets back intown and we try an antennae on the system and see if my computer can p/u the signal. until then i'm in quiet sweet cabin alone with candle and tostitos and avocado and almonds for dinner with some hot tea to sooth my sort of sore throat.

this morning i went to Maui dharma center for sunday temple service. i volunteered to read in Milarepa's life story book b/c it had been so long since reading. turns out the section i read was about his blood relations issues and explaining to his aunt and sister that he had long ago released any attachment to his relatives. the chapter was on shame and he said in the worldly world people do shameful things like betrayal and greed and violence but feel no remorse - he said that was truly shameful. him sitting naked in a cave was not shameful simply b/c he was unclothed. i enjoy reading dharma out loud. i've discovered this. it was the first time i've read in front of Lama La. other times i read he was out of town. reading in such a beautiful holy place feels very right to me. the more i do it - the more right it feels.

i'm beginning to stretch the emotional water level inside me too and I am more able to still feel the feelings and feel the extreme love/pain thoughts while reading the prayers and still have the breath to speak the words and the ability to absorb the tears rather than shedding them. sometimes soooo much emotion and water would overwhelm my body and during prayers i would not be able to get the words out and water would be building in my eyes and nose. it happened once when reading in milarepa's story when i had to read how he used his black magic to topple his relatives house during a wedding festival and thus killing many. it reminded me of 911 and people dying needlessly b/c of vengence. anyway i'm able to read these deep prayers and simultaneously feel them AND my emotions while stretching my balance point and not getting to the point of too much and then water/tears/ flow and i lose my breath. i'm holding composure much more but feeling and thinking the same if not more intensely attuned and aware.

the sky is now almost dark just a little light blue left. the one bright star i see off to my left is giving off an orange light from my perspective here. i wonder what it's name is. i should learn my astrology too while living here. so much to study and learn in my cabin alone time - i love it. school continues - my passions continue and my little tantra school house cabin is so sweet to me. i love coming home. i loved 50 oluolumau too but this is straight from a dream. like how i would have loved to have lived the entire time being on maui. so simple. losing shelter and access to shelter and steady income for a while really honed in my intuition and survival skills and networking while emotionally heartbroken. i grew very strong and look upon this moment with intense gratitude for all events and my hard work which led to me finding it and renting it.

i'm so grateful for berry and chuck who are my landlords for making me feel so welcome on their land. i met our neighbors across the street and they too were so nice and kind. i'm going to make muffins next weekend and take them around. linda, and her parents helen and al. are our neigbors across the street. ohana. maui. i love you. space to ground in light and study with privacy and quiet is priceless - and i'm so grateful i'm living it for an affordable $675 and maybe less b/c chuck asked if i'd be interested in helping him with yardwork for reduction on rent and i said enthusiastic YES! i love taking care of land b/c i feel like i'm returning to it each place i go and it feels like a service which grounds me to earth and home like feeling where ever i am pouring my love into the place with my physical service. it is a perfect fit here. just like the last place. i'm so grateful. i really thought i was going to have to rent a room with others b/c i wouldn't be able to afford a studio but i have everything i could have wanted and more here !

as i sit here i am becoming increasingly in awe of how it worked out - yet again - so easily. when not having a plan of what to do next or where to go - it always is interesting to me to look back upon the paths and choices i made and where i ended up each time of transition. i will be here until oprah comes. i want to grow the garden and buy trees with the money i earn on yardwork here. i am truly living the life where i said if i could have a garden and a cow and a goat and a cabin i'd be happy living forever on a planet of nature and one girl forever. me and life and thinking never get tired or old. i know i could live with memories in my heart eternallhy alone. i don't and won't but i know i could and this cabin is allowing me the experience of living that reality in the physical world but feeling like my dream world. it's cool.

i'm going to have a housewarming party in 2 weekends. i want to do some things first and get the grill going and stuff and plan the meal but i'm looking forward to when i do have a party that i have a place here that i pay for and am proud of and is consive to entertaining. a tantric retreat. i've been on 7 year tantra retreat. i am ready to graduate but it could be years. or it could be days. there is a quickening and every sunday the prayers are praying for myself and all sentient beings to reach the state of enlightenment and be established in the state of Buddha hood for the benefit of all beings. that sounds like a liberty dream come true prayer. it feels like it every week and i will carry forth and wonder at it all when i look back 7 years from now i am sure! i wonder what will be the same and what will be different 7 months from now?

3.22.09

Y3K Golden Age claim 1000 years of Peace and ground into White House with WE the PEOPLE's Voice. $1 to be the human race who free willingly choose to UNITE with Divine Mind as themselves of all religions. Invest in G.O.D. (Green Om Dollar) Company of We the People. Pay for Life and abandon fear/death war strategies. we lay down our weapons and take our Peace Vow. Ceremony of Life/Love Olympics of Evolution of States of Mind inhabiting Earth Heart.

....once upon a rhyme
i visited memory time
and there i found
a clock on the ground
words were written
a scroll underneath
opened and read
for all humanity....

hummmm now i shall write about the moment inside my mind/heart.

david blaine interests me
i tried to buy his book today
i looked it up on the borders computer
but 'not in stock' was what the computer had to say
i bought a pendulum and asked it yes or no
will blaine pay me a visit
on behalf of his souls show
or will i be invisible to him too
no magic brothers ever want to come through?
will he ever want to sit with me
and vibrate with the sea
or near a water fall
either way, the stones hear my call
for a friend like him
a brother lost kin
he who i think could sooth my pain
of never getting to see a brother again
he who wears jesus on his back or is it something else
oh the thing i so badly never want to see
he has inked on his body
the opposite
my nemisis
the enemy or friend
the dark and light
in this
who is he and would he want
to contemplate moments with a girl like me
who can't imagine romance with any he even db
no man is my plan
but a friend i need
would you be my brother for free
would you freely want to hang out
and keep company with me
enjoying and protecting
all of humanity
would you help me catalyze love feelings
for every single human being
would you travel the earth with me
here and there
would you want to laugh and play
would you want to care
if one asked for a partner
for nothing
no touching, no kissing no sex no nothing
just a voice a friend to sit with in the end
would you could you if a iasked
join me in my next world peace fast?
or would you sit under the moon
like i do
and have ganja talk story
in the ohana red white and blue?
would you do a trick
if i was feeling sad from war
and help me smile
while feeling horror
would you understand these things i say
and i wonder do they resonate

does he like girls who dont like sex
would he enjoy the company of celibate nun
could i hang with cool sexy man
and would he want to be around me
if it wasn't his body that i wanted
just his time
and energy
and fun
and love
and care
and stare
his magic
the way when i think of him sometimes i get the giggles
out of no where
and i like it.
i called the man
but as usual
another 'no show'
is what is in my hand
reality and freewill tell me the deal
and i just got to keep it real
he doesn't come either
but everytime someone
refers to a deck of cards
i think of him
magically.

3.23.09
Once upon a Tantra journal
there lived a girl who loved to writeabout love and feeling and
Peace. she wrote from an island named Maui
all is well
it is nighttime
there is art with wille nelson in front of me
this is crazy how this love island speaks to me
nighttime is romantic feeling for one with others
in perfect heaven. i felt like i wanted this feeling
and i can't believe i got it
i was ready to leave when i realized everything closes at 6 or earlier
then i found out on tues and thur. coffee house and candlelite jazz
i feel it symbolic when i get my dream way
i was feeling claustrophobic and exposed in my cabin
no internet no tv small and not sure what to do with myself
life is pushing me back into the world a little bit
writing as long as the battery lasts
when not writing i don't know what to do
b/c i don't really chat much
two empty chairs next to me
i was here with Winfrey in a dream
it wasn't particularly a good dream
b/c in the dream she didn't get it
and i didn't sign the contract.
it wasn't fun and reflecting on the dream is only like
dejavu feeling
what if oprah came and sat down
i feel like so much time has passed its strange
same with Greg
or the others
whatever.
same me writing about my communication
with loved ones near and far
i seem to communicate best alone with my pen or computer typing or speaking to wind
this is my life prayer. this is how i give my life meaning and purpose for others in moments of solitude.
how i make solitude helpful

i see a man with camara and it always makes me have feeling for Princess Diana. how she was hunted by the camara by those who loved her. how invasive it must have felt but now the camaras are understanding respect, guidelines, care, and honor when doing the business of photographing our world in its natural state and the people in the moment continue doing their natural thing as we all take flashes of life and use them for the greater purpose of unity, love sharing a cozy moment with the world of light digital moments - the camara is my friend but i would feel weird when it points at me - i don't act any different just feels weird. i watch myself from inside all the time - someone watchingme through a lense fromthe outside just feels strange. not good or bad - just strange - i am photographer of love moments too.

i very much see the nonintrusive talent and love for photography - especially in peace moments and places to share with world so we all can share the peace vibe. someday i will discuss these things with a boy at a coffee house. what do they think about while alone in coffee houses witnessing peace community. what does greg think about what does david think about on a personal level - i wonder if greg is like me - thinking on a global level all the time - personal is secondary. but now - i feel like if i think personal it might help me. the original feeling of love of sharing time and space with another is the foundational imprint of society and life. we should WANT to want to wake up and live and be with another. with the world. humans collectively can help us enjoy this life and living on this glorious earth. greg has probably cast aside all sexual feelings too. (NOT! what a delusion - little did i know - Greg just had a baby.) he probably doesn't even get erect anymore - he loves life that much - i know he would let it all go too.(not) maybe he could have so much mastery over sexual energy that he's no longer turned on by women - especially me. could he be a monk? i make an excellent nun - i know that. i wonder if he could me mirror - sexually? (answer .....no.....i found out greg is making babies - the opposite of me)
if he knew it would help - he bet would/could do it. he's like that but then again i don't really know him. i'm most likely living in a delusion. greg is a delusion. .maybe there is no male mirror for me. is he a monk or is he married? maybe he's a monk married to dharma with a wife named monika? whatever.

i'm alone out here outside at the coffeehouse now. no music - they are on break. i took a picture of the painting of willie in front of me to mark the moment for my journal. ohana. i like seeing everyone busy in their own peaceful worlds while sharing space and time in coffee houses. by candlelite. sooooooooooo nice. oh what i surprise - i'm thinking about the man named greg. ok fine. no problemo. it happens often. so rather than resist i will play with the thoughts. i just pulled out my tarot. i'm going to pull a coffee house dream card for Greg right now - if he were sitting here - i would hand it to him and tell him the card i pull is my gift to him.............so i pulled DEATH. interesting. a game of poker is the painting of willie. i'm continuing the poker game (of life and death) at my table for one. i just on a whim brought my tarot deck with me tonight.

ok so now i pull one for david blaine.... i pulled CONFUSION and then turned theh deck upside down and the Hermit is there with Egypt symbols - It reminds me of that picture of David in the ancient place - alone sitting on a stone bench with his head between his hands. - that picture reminds me of something. ....the song they are singing is 'open up your heart and let this fool rush in'

I just got back with meeting and chatting with John the artist. he got commissioned to paint Willie and the Poker group. i love this night. i don't have food so i'll stop by colleens and pick up a piece of pizza on the way home and some milk from the store. doing dailythings like eating / cooking is getting harder for me to do - i'm not sure why. i should be writing something for sharing like an essay on peace or a dora story or something - instead i'm just rambling about the moment.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
now i'm home rambling to myself about the inner moment and decided type it outloud so home from coffeehouse sitting on my deck with prayer flags waving in wind - tikki torches lit - blue peace lights shinging all night every night for world peace and two candles. one for two boys who shall remain nameless who will be visiting me here in my peace prayer cabin palace feeling at home. you can see the cabin from the street now b/c EMI came to tree trim. i went out to look what it looks like from street at night and it is nice. it sets a tone for the street. peace. flames and blue peace lights - kuan yin, buddha, santa and the Tibetan flag sit atop the front porch....and me - i sit at the table and type. on rara occassion the computer picks up interent signal but i have definitely not worked out the access to internet issue. Dan has helped with attenae and equipment but nothing is boosting my reception of the signal - maybe well move the attenae closer. if not i'm going to have him return everything. i hope we can get it working - this would be utterly awesome to be sitting here feeling remote but having internet. writer cabin paradise. any writer or journalist would trade places and stay here - on assignment. i have my buddha chai latte here too - from coffee house bliss to home bliss. no camara here taking pictures - i'm only human here and am alone in the moment with the cricket sound and flame in front of me. it feels like Tantra Olympics to me. in writing and blogs event i get a gold star maybe? in photography of pop culture maybe i could win a star too .

lots of events in Tantra Olympics - trying to win BIG GOLD for all human race to claim Golden Age from White House :) now i'm so visible fromt he street. there is a car driving up street now that hung out for a bit onthe bridge. i'm feeling prayer on the bridge - out of respect for the dead. my cabin sits at the opening of tunnel and where girls died. in these EMI ditches last year. in living and dead world i lite these torches and hope that i would be at the end of any tunnel through life and death and the lights would give comfort and peace when one sees them. dark tunnels of death are all diana stuff and she and me travel together it feels she helps me in the realm of spirit and memory on the other side. shes a link. me too symbolically id like to be a link for those girls let the vibe and sight and smell and everything about a place say ....heaven....peace.....friendly....treat with respect.....remember the dead....on and on. i wish we could now do the opposite for Tibet what China has done to Tibet. candles - twinkle lights Santa peace on earth town. christmas comes to Tibet. Dora Christmas in Tibet. the christmas tradition is trees and lights - the snow princess has returned - so many

realities/fantasies/visions/meditations/creations in one moment. i prostrated to His Holiness the Dalai Lama at baldwin beach today on the sand in front of Zen Mission and in the water. a good day. vacation day - solo - off work - took prayers to beach - got sun and played and recharged.

3.26.09
muffin is good and healthy
perfect beginning to my perfect free saturday
free to do exactly as i wish and need
following my own flow
with no outer directions.
one day at home with no work
no caretaking resonsibility
no appointment in court
no nothing - all finished -
just a day to settle in my new place
and live a maui day
haiku flower festival today
and very strong winds here since
last night
all night banging on the house
i tuned all out and can sleep though anything now
resting in peace
with no fear of outer threat
if outer threat comes and isn't transformed of ill will
before it gets to me
then it is time for me to go
i am at peace with that
so i rest in peace
with faith in goodwill in human
as it was intended
and live that reality
and try to proliferate that reality into every cell and facet of human life
everyone resting in peace with the trust that no other human
is going to sneak attack them while they are vulnerable
at night, alone
woman in the wild
safe on planet earth.
here there and everywhere.
man safe.
child safe
we are safe from each other
b/c we are transforming ousevlves and our countries
from harming to healing
from harmers to helpers
then people can get what they really need
nights to truly rest in peace
in faith with they are part of kind human race
and code of conduct
why are we here?
to live and enjoy life.
we are not here to make wars on each other
we are not here to punch beat and fuck the life out each other
we are here to live
not live to die
and deny that truth.
we are here to evolve into who we were intended to be
not these beated down products of uncivilized civilizations
violence is not part of the plan
so now we let it go as the disease
we let the guns go
the uniforms of separation
we let the camafouge go as a fashion
we let the thougt forms go that say
it is ok to kill
it is not ok to kill
you are here to live
you can now learn to live, soldier
serve love and love will not ask you to die
if your country is not serving love
either transform your leadership
or separate from your country.
china is not loving
america is not loving
guns are not loving.
be in the no boundaries no guns country of earth
call it heaven
join now
$1 for heaven and justice tv for truth
b/c Jesus says the Truth sets us free
and bush made war
and the people are mistaken
when they think they are free
when they are not - not yet.
when we seek love and truth as mission of government
power and protection
we will be on our way to experiencing
True freedom as a human race
individuals
and collectives. it feels good to believe
in US. US = we and A Us and America - love, libertyusa

3.27.09
If I were the President of America the Free
I would introduce myself as a Lady, Liberty.
I would then say hello and introduce O
Winfrey as my choice for First Lady
who serves as mother of this country

I would say we are in a state of distress
an emergency - and A Code Red SOS
War, Economy, Depression, and Disease
this is not good in the land of the free

I would say my job is to unite
and stop the fight
to bring the human family
all of us gathered here
into our light

if peace is what we want in Gaza and Tibet
and Happiness in Darfur
and the children well fed
then we have to represent our homelands her now
as we stand in America and take our Peace vow.

We humans gathered here
choose ourselves to speak for our homelands
we vow for peace and raise our homeland flag in one hand
and join in One for Free Tibet in the other hand

we humans do now agree
we will not kill each other
not from ANY COUNTRY.

We will model peace on one day
the citizens will take to the streets in the name of their
homelands and say
'we want peace there so we will be
part of our fellow brotherhood network
from sea to shining sea.
see that your human race evolution is here.
6 billions brains - do they choose love or fear?
We are the people who
bring the prophecy to life
what can True Democracy do
when it is turned to the Light

we can see here in America now
if we understand the change is when we unite

3.30.09
Love Drunk eyes

if i were 19 again
i'd be
Love drunk off of you
i think of you and wonder
if it were a two way street
what amount of chemisty
could you add to what i feel already
just being near you in my thoughts
is often enough to carry me
through a hard moment or job
so i know this is magic
this thing i have for you
chemistry maybe
or past life lost
and now refound
the feeling of interest when ever you're around

no need for talking or anything else
just knowing in your eyes you feel this felt
would be enough for the love drunk feeling
to come over me
i know what i feel
and wonder would it be
if ever you really were
sitting next to me.

i see now inside my heart
closing the door to one
has opened 6 billion spaces
of interest to share
with other faces
and you are the one
that i wish to see
smiling love drunk eyes
back at me

spontaneous poem with Lukas in mind

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

spontaneous poem with Davidblaine in mind

take a look at your name Blaine
and tell me what you see
I see a hero and big time chemistry
in your name you have all sorts of insane
but i know your inner warrior is of the Love Man's Game
so when your stunts are complete
and you would like to take a seat
next to me
i'd like to read your eyes
and maybe feel love hypnotized
would i vibrate and feel like i'm flying
when i look but don't touch
and feel past dying
in the quiet moment between you and me
in your presence what would i see
what would i feel
and would you keep it real
yes i'm sure you would
b/c you are part my sacred brotherhood
and i can see you understand deep down
the feeling of goodness and want to spread it around
please spread your goodness to me
and a do a trick or two for me
cuz i'd LOVE to see
you asked which public figure
needed you magic most
and i replied
it is Liberty, Julie, and her friendly ghost
can you , would you want to sit with me
and if you do i hope you hurry.
not that there is rush of no time
i'd just rather not wait for what i want in my mind
so now i write and say good night
but i'm not going to sleeping
b/c it's
only 1238pm
instead i'm off to Dan's to finish cleaning
and then to Christina's to babysit
and then to Sean's for chitchat.
see ya bye
i'm glad you're a good guy.
love,
julie

~~~~~~~~~~

Spontaneous poem for Sean, Simon, and Justin

ohana brothers walk in to Colleens
smiling, hard working, caring (carrying) feelings
brothers and friends
i know from Maui
as i've traveled alone
on the Tantra Highway
I'm grateful to have caring cool guys
reminding me daily of angel love eyes
they are always nice and welcoming to me
and that to me is heaven found here in humanity
love and kindness is all it takes
to make the world a better place
i thank each and every one
who has come
and who has gone
and who has smiled and hung out
even when my anti war mouth
runs off at it's spout
sean is really nice and cool
he's witnessed how ganja makes me speak
of no gun earth school
and he allows me the time to speak my mind
while giving us the space for us to do our thing
and being friendly to me with
my anti war talk for humanity
even when it brings me to tears
or angry frustration
he lets it be and doesn't get mad at little ol julie.
i thank him for that
now and forever that he lets me believe in
ONE WORLD HEAVEN
and mirrors to me what i believe
in a non violent humanity world family.
friends are the best
and i'm grateful eternal
and soon i'll say good bye
to this coffee shop journal.
time to go to next job to clean
and then to babysit little Christine - a.
aloha,
love julie

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

sitting in Charlie's in Paia
having Pizza and Prayer
visiting fantasies and memories
because i'm forcing myself to think about something
other than White House, War, Peace, Tibet and Liberty
i'm forcing myself to think personal girl thoughts
not global mission thoughts just while at dinner.
for balance in my heart
i must be able to still feel desire for fun with man
i must be able to help my self feel desire for sitting next to man
right now - the two i think of are David and Lukas - they are safe and if they are friendly back
it would be a nice feeling to sit next to them b/c it is a nice feeling to think of them
that is guarantee that person to person is nice
unless of course they are always paying attention to other girls in my presence
that gets a little old and only serves to remind me of Greg and that makes them a little less
desirable to hang with.
guys are up there playing pool
i used to date and play pool with guys
i used to date and men would drive to my house, pick me up and take me out to dinner or events. i remember that me but she is - how do i say this....she is gone. world issues monopolize my mind, thoughts, desires, hopes, and dreams. it feels wrong to enjoy one on one when the world is falling apart and the children suffering and the wars raging. that is why i peacefully and freewillinly let dating go - even if someone were wanting to take out a celibate nun - i don't know that i could go - i'm so different. even if it was Lukas. it just feels like unless the big picture Global Love picture has clicked in - i don't want to play in the personal love picture at all. it doesn't feel appropriate. but it is nice knowing who i think about in these environments. and who and why i would like to sit next to if things change.
i hear pool balls hitting. i feel guilty having everything so perfect as if i'm living Dewachen life yet others in this same real world are suffering so greatly. i make the moment have meaning by praying what i have all will have and i commit myself to making that a reality. i am working from the top down - if we get into White House many children helped.
my community service will also connect me from ground up. then all i need is an appearance from Lady Oprah and we put the two together. from root to tip at White House - reformation occurs. Love Teachings from White House and all networked activities are based in intelligent environmentally sound plans and products and services all serve Life. Tantra! Neural network of Love and sex and Peace and Freedom. i hope, i pray, and i wish everyday. someday. someday....
my dinner is almost done and i didn't go very far in boy/girl reverie - fantasy - seemed i'm back in politics again.
how different a woman am i than the one who arrived?
girls just walked in for drinks - i don't do that anymore - going out with girls drinking
i used to go out drinking, socializing, kissing men, everything focused around partnership and sexuality/mating - husband search.
i'm am completely the opposite now. first of all, i don't drink - merlot every once in a while for jesus/mary memories and shafer/past life m

4.3.09
Message from Tara: The LOVE Age affects ALL. It is foolish to resist. like shooting yourself in the foot. dumb.

om tara tuttare ture
mama ayu punye jnana
puktrim kuru soha

Om Jetsun Ma Pak Ma drol ma la chagtsal lo
chag tsal tare nyur ma pa mo
tuttara yi jig pa sel ma
ture don kun chin pai drol ma
soha yi ge kyto la dud do

Om jetsun ma pak ma
drol ma la chagtsal lo

4.5.09
April 2009: Live in cabin, alone. Work steady with Sonam. rent paid easily from my hard work. lifestyle wonderful. obama is President. Oprah has not made contact. Greg has created a child with monika. I have blessed them and the baby and gave the family up on my altar. it was the greatest gift. there is a complete split now and an embodiedment that is natural. there is no desire. b/c my instincts as wife and mother say that if a man intentionally impregnates a woman he is tied to her for eternity and it is to her and the child that his intentions and energy should focus and be present with. i no longer desire his attention or presence as a friend or partner b/c he does not want it and now i don't want him naturally. the baby finished it. i am free. i am aware that next to me is an empty chair that i will enjoy filling with any man that understands celibacy in me but wishes to spend time and hang out and explore togetherness. if anyone even wants to. i barely have desire but i feel it is important to keep these relating issues alive in me with the opposite sex. otherwise i will truly go off to cave and be happy ever after alone in prayer and death one day. so if socialization is important for me, then Davidblaine and Lukas are my first 2.

the April update also includes the not so surprising news that George Bush is a free man living in his many houses across planet Earth along with the rest of the War team. China business is everywhere in Maui so much so that i cannot even find pushpins that arent made in China. war is still being paid for in USA. I am doing `150 hours of community service to Keep Hawaii Islands Beautiful because in 2007 i received my second offense for not having car insurance. Liberty is still here in me and surviving - even thriving. emotional pain is great. but the bliss of victory, confidence in intention, awareness of eternal mission balances it out so that i am riding in 50/50 feeling of extremes of feelings but turns to Faith in path. i read my journal from 2004 Easter and apparently I used to feel the lonely - now i don't even relate to the term. Tomorrow i go to a Celebration of Buddha's Birthday at Zen Rinzai Center at Baldwin Beach. i see it for 7 years and gone in and around it back in 2003 or 2004 - it will be neat to go back inside now carrying my memories. i went today - a day early. i left the flower at the altar. Kuan Yin sits in the front yard. reminds me of my front porch. subtle yet powerful signs of like attracts like and the qualities that such a center spreads. you can tell so much about the inside of a center by feeling and looking around the outside. i want to talk to the christians on this island and propose we transform the crosses and separate flesh from tree of pain and betrayal with our freewill as an act of Love to our Brother Jesus. Buddha's go-to guy. brothers. Teachers. Seekers. Finders. Dedication of Life learning to the greater good of all beings.

Good Friday is coming next Friday. i want to walk from my house to the dharma center and prostrate. but i don't know. i might just stay in and pray in solitude. i feel enormous pressure to do something. i'm just not sure what. i want to tell christians Jesus is your mirror. he did not do everything so his followers or 'lovers' don't have to do anything. No. this is incorrect. jesus layed out the teachings and walked the path of love in thought word and deed and said 'what I do - you do and more' i am you you are me. people in Christianity including myself have gotten the message that HE is savior but they don't have to use their freewill to save themselves and walk the path. example. if the government is walking the opposite path of jesus and you put patriotism and faith and money and life into government and military then you must be able to logically see that there is not freedom and jesus can't do anything without your freewill to follow and become one with. the oneness is always there and available to beings but they use their own freewill to ground in the misunderstandings and the 'traditions' of state to give energy, money, and their life to the path which logic says is in contradition to the teachings of the christ. or the buddha. jesus used 1000% of his energy to walk the path of love to help all. this is the heart of buddha. the heart of the Mother. every human has this access to the Heart but very much debris on top and in front. resistance. to render a cleansing is to clear away 'wrong' thought and make way for new understandings and then the internal connection and self responsibility comes into the christian teachings. transforming all weapons into new helpful shape will be symbolic that humans did inner change. until then - this American word change is a joke to me. (a very sad joke)

If I were the Father in Charge of this country I would...

2007-06-17T22:38:00.000-07:00

have a chat with the people. i would tell them we are going to talk. we are going to talk about change and we are going to talk about social issues. we as human beings are social creatures, but we are not being very friendly as we inhabit our bodies and walk on the earth. i would tell people to have a seat for a moment and listen. it's your only job during the talk just listen. these are just ideas about 'what if' social change by one girl writing in her diary a what if game.

social creatures help each other. this is my plan on how to help the world the fastest, most organized and efficient global change as possible.

1. global broadcast so all can know that George W. Bush is under arrest. all terrorists will pause their game to watch to see if it is for real.
2. america makes announcement to world that it no longer stands on the platform of abusive father syndrom. We don't stand on our military as our strength and we will never be sending a human out into the world with weapons. america is pro life. we abandon death by arresting him.
3. we as Americans sign up for a 1 year visit to Africa and help in a work camp which is already organized are ready for you to help the children with Oprah in her schools or Santa workshops for Christmas kindness, or in the medical places....many choices for your whole family. America homes open up for housesitters.
4. America invites Tibet to stay in their home and live in America. The homes need caring for and Tibetans have the need and the care.
5. America becomes a center for Humanity. We problem solve as a global entity responsible for ALL THE EARTHS PEOPLE. We are a collection of 'We the People' from the Human Brain Team. We are humans helping humans. We all need to help each other quickly and we really really need to help the Earth more quickly or pretty soon it really isn't going to matter who lives where or what boundry is up b/c there will be no Earth. People who are alive inside their brain agree with us when we say the Earth is in Peril. Human exctinction is close. Humans must collectively abandon Death platforms. Militaries are not necessary when people are getting medicine and food and making parties and living as humans. Militaries are only necessary if the Beast in man is alive in brains and stands on it's right to invade and kill. If we the people agree on my pro life pro social creatures rather than waring creatures then we can help each other quikly and the Earth will feel it. We are helpers not harmers. If you have been harmed - i would tell you it is over. Let's change. Lets not be afraid Death will come knocking as soon as we lay down our weapons. wrong. let us ponder these words and find what we are afraid of America if I ask you to stop the war today. Disarm forever. We lead and the World shall follow.

If we are in AFrica busy helping human beings and Tibetans are in america rejenerating. Mexico gets word that the business in America are reaching over the 'border' and soon the Green Team America will be having lots of jobs for you in your country or on work assignment in ours. The Angel Network is rennovating all sorts of schools and prisons and homes here in America. Work and Parties for everyone in America and here on Work assignment. Human race is in peril. It is beyond Politics. Social change means you awaken into your higher purpose as a race. You cannot ever awaken if you are standing on our right to kill another human being in order for you to live.

I would have lots of talks of What if with the people.
What if we really could work together as a human team and bring the Peace and the party we always believed in. what if we really could make happily ever after - start with dropping violence and guns. Now and forever. With no guns hands - the 'militaries' will have lots of energy to help feed and rejenerate the Earth in projects and also come to Tantra camps and learn lots about loving and pleasure and sex. Human man has options. He doesn't have to be a soldier. He can actually live and enjoy his life. That is what i want . Men who enjoy life - not kill each other.

If i were a Father - I would want a daugther like me.
end of diary entry - What if game 6.17.07 Fathers day night spontaneous ramblings.
p.s. dear diary, I hope i dream about His Holiness the Dalai Lama again tonight. I miss my Father. I wish he was sleeping back in his castle. I hope by this time next year - HE WILL BE.

Congress is Weak and so are the 2008 Candidates!

2007-05-25T08:57:00.000-07:00

OK. Now we are sending $95,000,000 to continue War on Planet Earth. American Idol busts their butt to raise millions from the American People to help provide food and nourishment to humans on the planet who have no resources. That is the way of the Mother! The way of the Abusive Father is to take our money and feed it to Death. Two opposing values and one President who has all the power.

If you want to support the troops we should help them not die - reteach another way - let go of them by withdrawing funding for weapons and their path. Tell them they are on their own then they will feel the desire to return home. Why do we feel it necessary to feed humans fighting as a priority over feeding the global children of human race? We are not serving the troops by not evolving out of the mindset of war. Why do we actually believe that if you load a man up with weapons and send him to another country - it will help that country? Humans have lost their brain power. If your brain is trained only in Death Skills (i.e. the Art of War) and you use your money to support Death platforms - certainly you can figure out what comes next. Physical Death is the last to come. First comes a break with your humanity in your brain and heart. You become a feeder of the Beast.

It is innate in the human race across the planet to know how to survive and live. What we don't know how to survive is when something comes in with violence and money and intent to kill. That makes civilians angry and then of course - they fight back. Man and fighting. It is an addiction we must break. As humans with the Love of a Mother on the inside of us - we must stop the fighting.

If you are so weak you cannot stop the Beast when you have all the power in your hands to do so in a 'democracy' then you cannot call yourselves Free. You are slaves to violence. Your brains are so small you can't think yourselves out of violence and giving power to violent men.

I AM DISGUSTED.

Brains who fuel death cannot come up with creative solutions - they are programmed to seek and destroy. They will use all kinds of reasons to do so. It is the insanity of the Ages. We seek the guidance of Man and he puts fire in arms and takes money from schools and children in the name of Peace and Helping others.......and the people seem to agree and let it happen.

Life is a School. If you are trained in Death you are failing. America is a resource center for the Earth. We are the Mothers and the Helpers. We simply must RISE TO our HUMAN purpose.
Beast or Buddha.
Beast will kill.
Buddha will heal.

Bush is glorifying the Beast. Everyday and you Americans are to brainwashed in your strategies of war to see it or end it. Humans don't kill each other. In GOD WE TRUST. God equals LOVE. God equals Life. Putting a gun in the hand of human is not loving or Godly.
Feeding the business of War and Death is the sure fire way to make certain life on Earth is Hell.

Congress.....you fucked up.
Obama - Clinton. Neither of you are strong enough to lead this country in to Peace.

Stop playing the same game in the same way. Use your brains. and stop separating "our' troops from 'the enemy.' Every man with a gun is the enemy to life on Earth. Inspire them to live in peace. Don't keep fueling their Death.

I'm off to traffic court now where they will ask me to pay a fine. I am going to refuse, because I do not give ONE PENNY to the United States of America as long as the Brain of the Beast is Running the Country! I give all extra money to neworks who are helping the worlds people survive. I will never fund Death! that is why I am strong in life skills and my brain works very good. Way better than our 'male leaders' bush, cheney, rove, rumsfeld. All beast brains programmed to destroy. I can stand on my Life Platform and cry out....

But I am only one.